ONE MORE MOMENT
If you’re a parent of a teenager, or even know one, you understand the worries that come with the territory. With hopes of, “please don’t let it be me,” so many of us carry the fears we hear so much about now that the mental health crisis has become front page news. From anxiety to suicide, this is hard stuff that’s devastating families everywhere. Fortunately, Spanish Fort’s Nicole Persinger is that person who experiences something upsetting and does something about it. In complete awe of her bravery and tenacity, she’s tough as nails and pillow-soft at the same time. Of course she is—she’s a mother. And, when tragedy struck her teenage daughter, Annalie, Nicole turned her powerlessness and angst from an all too familiar and harrowing reality into finding solutions and helping others—proving one person can indeed make a difference. Here, Annalie and Nicole share their story.
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Sitting across a table from Annalie Persinger, I found myself looking for clues as we sipped pumpkin spice lattes. Her blue braces, skirt and sneaker combo, and messy pony tail didn’t reveal traces of the traumatic last few years that included sexual assault, drug and alcohol abuse, cutting, and eventually two suicide attempts. In front of me was what appeared to be a “normal” teenage girl. She could have been my daughter, your daughter, and so on. Next to Annalie, her mother Nicole listened as Annalie and I talked. When asked about putting their story into print, Annalie pulled up her Instagram to demonstrate she’s been putting it out there already. She exclaimed without a doubt that she wanted to share her story. A believer that our voices are powerful tools and that for many, the healing begins with being heard, we dove deep into her story.
It’s important to know that prior to this time, life clicked along for the Persinger family. Nicole, an energetic and engaged mother and an occupational therapist, her husband Dan, and their children Denver, 18, Annalie,16, Natalie,14, and Mia,13, enjoyed their time together doing outdoor activities, visiting family in Canada, and more. On any given day, you might have seen them piling into the car outside of Chick-fil-A or the neighborhood pool just like the rest of us. Dan and Nicole put their family first and couldn’t have foreseen what was to come.
However, between August 2020 and April 2021, Nicole and her family found themselves on an extremely difficult road trying to support their daughter and sister, Annalie. This once vibrant young woman with a promising future began to spiral. Wanting to understand what it was that initially took Annalie down this path of self-destruction so that we can gain a better understanding of the youth mindset, I cut her off as she stated, “It’s hard to be a teenager today.”
““I WAS STANDING IN THE BACK YARD. IT WAS A BIG MOMENT FOR ME. I LITERALLY LOOKED UP TO THE SKY AND SCREAMED TO GOD THAT I NEEDED A SIGN THAT I SHOULD LIVE. AND, TRUST ME, I WAS MAD THAT AT THAT SPECIFIC MOMENT I SAW SHOOTING STARS.””
Imploring her to please share specific examples of how it’s hard and different for teens today, we drilled down on this topic. “It all started in the 7th grade, that’s when my self-hatred started. I transferred schools and my grandmother passed away and death just seemed so easy, like life was meaningless. Heading into 8th grade, I wanted to be liked by everyone, including boys. And, for today’s teens that means appearing like you don’t care about anything. This is a popular mindset and even has a name—the Floating Rock. It means that we’re all just floating around and nothing matters,” Annalie explains.
Wanting further clarification, I found Floating Rock is a real thing and very popular on TikTok. One TikToker might use it to put a positive spin on their problems. For example, show a pic of their cellulite while lying on a beach and zoom out to show the entire planet and how the world view makes cellulite seem insignificant. Others use it to self-destruct. “Every teeny-tiny detail about the way I present myself is scrutinized on social media. There’s always someone with an opinion on every choice or change I make. It was easier not to care at all, so I silenced myself,” Annalie reflects.
In hindsight, appearing unbothered not only led Annalie down this tragic path, it’s what bothers her the most today. Considering most girls are raised with fairy tales and expect boys to fill the shoes of Prince Charming, it doesn’t stop there. “Today, sex is expected immediately. And, it’s not always gentle. I don’t know if it’s due to the accessibility of pornography, but for me, I wasn’t even asked if I wanted to have sex or if I liked what was being done to me once I had a boyfriend. Keeping him secret from my mom, I was 13 years old and he was 14 years old when we started dating. I saw violent tendencies, but I was broken and found my purpose in his brokenness. Some may not consider what he did to me rape, but I do. Looking back, he wanted one thing—sex—and assumed he could do whatever he wanted to me. He liked being in control. If I told him to stop or that he was hurting me, he’d breakup with me. Following the unsaid rule of not caring, I began to self-destruct.”
And for Annalie, drugs and alcohol fueled her need to alternate her reality and to self-medicate. “Drugs and alcohol are everywhere. On every bus, in every school, and everywhere a parent can’t imagine. I even smoked pot at 13 years old with a friend and their parent.” Naturally, her parents jumped in. Finding out that Annalie had been sexually assaulted, they turned to law enforcement for help. And, since a bit of time had passed, they were told there was no point in seeking legal action as it would be a “she said/he said” case. Interestingly, Annalie was asked about what she was wearing, if she had sex before, if she was sure it happened, and other upsetting questions most of us would assume are no longer asked of potential victims.
Without hesitation, Nicole and Dan contacted the boy’s parents who denied everything, screamed at her, threatened legal action, and were closed off to discussions and insisted on their silence as this would ruin his future. From there, Nicole and Dan started to drug and alcohol test Annalie. Getting around that, Annalie began cutting herself. “I started cutting myself because I was getting drug tested. I figured I might as well cut myself and if I die, I die. I was screaming inside and cut myself in order to feel something, to feel alive,” Annalie shares.
Sadly, two suicide attempts followed. “Naturally, the rumor mill began as I wasn’t trying to hide what happened to me. It wasn’t my shame to own. Many of the kids in my school, especially the girls, took to social media stating they wanted me dead and accused me of trying to ruin his life. In the moments I tried to kill myself, I was so isolated and destructive, I dehumanized myself. On one occasion I remember that I had planned it for a while. I picked the day. I can remember thinking that when my mom came to my room to say goodnight, I knew where she’d find me and I’d have a major moment of giving it to her. I took pills and slit my wrist. I screamed. I saw my brother crying reading my note. I was taken to the hospital, upset that I had failed,” Annalie states.
““EVERY TEENY-TINY DETAIL ABOUT THE WAY I PRESENT MYSELF IS SCRUTINIZED ON SOCIAL MEDIA. THERE’S ALWAYS SOMEONE WITH AN OPINION ON EVERY CHOICE OR CHANGE I MAKE.””
Annalie got drunk at school and was expelled three weeks after that suicide attempt. She was in therapy and on medicine for her depression. “The only way my parents could keep me alive was to be with me 24 hours a day. And, they were. But, when his back was turned for a quick minute, I stole razor blades from my dad,” Annalie says. Nicole chimes in, “This is when I thought I truly may not be able to keep her alive. I breathalyzed and drug tested her constantly. We took her phone away and put all her stuff in the attic. I brought her to therapy and other mental health services. The coping skills suggested like taking a cold shower or counting to ten were ridiculous. She had a blank stare and I worried around the clock thinking I’d never get through to her.”
While these details only scratch the surface of Annalie’s journey, she did eventually decide she wanted to live. “I was standing in the back yard. It was a big moment for me. I literally looked up to the sky and screamed to God that I needed a sign that I should live. And, trust me, I was mad that at that specific moment I saw shooting stars. I started thinking about a speaker from my alternative school and decided I wanted a survivor story, too. I’ve worked so hard to turn my life around. I have to choose to live,” Annalie shares.
Unfortunately, the numbers don’t lie. Today’s teens are in crisis. Over 2.5 million youth copes with severe major depression, and suicide is the second-leading cause of death among people age 15 to 24 in the U.S. Nearly 20% of high school students report serious thoughts of suicide and 9% have tried to take their lives, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Add those statistics, a shortage of mental healthcare providers, and support options, many parents are at a loss.
And while the details of Annalie’s journey are deeply personal and tragic, they’re also incredibly inspirational. Out of their pain, hard-earned knowledge, and compassion for others experiencing similar circumstances, Nicole and her son, Denver, started One More Moment. This open to all, completely free, parent-led organization was established in an effort to support, connect, and empower parents and families of teens in crisis because searching for answers was a job itself for Nicole. “As I accompanied Annalie on this journey, I felt extremely helpless and alone. I was desperate to speak to other parents who had lived through similar situations. I felt like I was trying to assemble a puzzle and someone was hiding the pieces. It was a desperate effort to find mental health resources, as well as legal juvenile corrective action that was available to encourage Annalie to make better decisions,” she shares.
The wisdom Nicole gathered as she desperately tried to navigate the seemingly impossible is invaluable. “I’ve learned there’s no "right" way to tackle adolescent mental health and addiction, and that it’s essential to be flexible. There’s no, "we’ve arrived" moment, the journey is continuous. I’ve also learned to accept that it’s not my path, but theirs. I am powerless over them. I’m limited to loving them unconditionally, setting boundaries, allowing natural consequences to unfold, and offering tools they can use to cope with life struggles and manage their emotional responses to navigate today’s world, if they choose to do so. When Annalie was self-destructing, I often felt like I was throwing things at the wall to see what would stick. If it didn't, I would pick myself up off the floor and try again. When Annalie started therapy in 7th grade, so did I. I got help to address my fears, to respond to my children rather than react, and to let go of everything that’s out of my control,” Nicole recalls.
Rather than being dismissive or hope for the best, Nicole advocates for understanding. “Being a teenager today is very hard. Parents don’t understand the pressures teens are living with. I want to acknowledge that because we can’t relate and that’s what needs to change. Social media and pornography aren’t going away. This is why listening to our teens is so important, it’s how we can gain understanding of their world. I now understand the best way to support my teens is through love and connection made through genuine curiosity about them as humans. We have to meet them where they are.”
Out of desperation for at least one more moment with her child, a mother’s purpose was born. “While my family was actively in crisis, and I struggled to find resources to support my child and myself, I realized that other parents were living the same experience and no one should have to travel this path alone. I didn’t want to hide the pieces of the puzzle I’d found from others. It was at this moment I decided when the dust settled with my daughter, I had to do something. But what? I’m only one person. So, I decided I would make myself available to help other parents navigate educational, legal and community resources and offer support when they found themselves alone and unsure of how to proceed, too. This led to what’s become my purpose and when One More Moment came to fruition,” Nicole explains.
And, the response has been astounding. “After posting about the initial meeting on Facebook, the response was overwhelming. I knew I was on to something significant and that parents were out there struggling alone like I was. After the first meeting, I decided to make myself available to any parent in need and One More Moment has grown organically into what it’s become today: a parent led organization that empowers parents through action while supporting others in similar situations. We offer workshops and training to fill our tool boxes with skills and strategies to feel confident in the way we communicate, connect and set boundaries with our teens,” Nicole states.
Inspired by an article in Psychology Today titled “Mental Illness: The Non-Casserole Disease” Nicole adds, “It’s our goal to make mental illness a casserole illness because unlike a physical diagnosis, those caring for teens with suicidality, depression or addiction rarely find their friends and neighbors lining the streets with dinner and a helping hand. It is my goal to change this reality, one family at a time.”
In addition to offering free counseling sessions for parents with a licensed counselor, weekly support group meetings in person and through Zoom, one-on-one support for parents, training and workshop parent opportunities, One More Moment advocates for self-care as well. “I discovered the first area that falls out the window when our lives are in chaos s is taking care of ourselves. One More Moment believes it’s imperative to shift the attention to supporting parents as an integral part of healing families.”
“MANY OF THE KIDS IN MY SCHOOL, ESPECIALLY THE GIRLS, TOOK TO SOCIAL MEDIA STATING THEY WANTED ME DEAD AND ACCUSED ME OF TRYING TO RUIN HIS LIFE. IN THE MOMENTS I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF, I WAS SO ISOLATED AND DESTRUCTIVE, I DEHUMANIZED MYSELF.”
As the saying goes, “Your secrets make you sick” and shedding the secrets is a path to coping and healing from the shame often associated with mental illness. And, perhaps the feedback Nicole has received says it all. “Participants have shared countless heartwarming sentiments like, ‘My heart feels so much lighter knowing someone else ‘gets it’ and can finally help me,’ to ‘Fighting for your children is tiring. You’ve helped me realize there’s a better way and it starts with looking at the message we’re sending to those that we most influence—our children, our family, our loved ones,’ as well as, ‘One More Moment is breaking down walls and opening up conversations,’” a proud Nicole beams.
Accessible to all parents of teens in the area, One More Moment has been approved to be a school resource for most Baldwin County Schools, and they’re working on Mobile. They also work with the Drug Education Council and CAPPS, a program for the parents of teens with underage substance use. A non-profit, they depend on donations to provide these services.
Now a college student in Colorado, Annalie’s brother, Denver, was instrumental in starting One More Moment, too. “Through our struggles, we learned firsthand there’s a severe amount of unacknowledged pressure and strain on the parents of teens going through similar situations. Not only is the depression and anxiety stigmatized, there’s barely any resources to help them. This fault in our mental health system fueled my mother and I to make the change we wanted to see, so we created One More Moment. We had no idea where to start so I decided to publish a website with resources and go from there. After a month of trying to build a “decision tree”, we decided it might be better to do a weekly parent led support group. It was a massive success. And, from there we’ve collaborated with other programs and school systems along the way. Simply put, we started One More Moment knowing that each moment a parent spends with their child may be their last, and in turn, we want to help them have at least one more,” Denver shares.
Returning from a trip to Atlanta where Nicole and her daughters saw Lizzo, the queen of self-love, it’s time for the Access photoshoot. Annalie, with her braces just removed, and Nicole roll in full of excitement. Makeup and hair are done and outfits are selected. In between Taylor Swift sing-alongs, the conversation shifts to topics like how sad it is that as parents, the request to meet and talk was met with blame shifting and legal threats to questions like, “what are we teaching our children?” And, how Annalie’s peers made harsh snap judgments stating sentiments without any empathy like, “it happened so long ago,” “get over it,” and “you’ll ruin his life.” From what reference are they conjuring up this level of cold response? Is it Floating Rock? And to what constitutes rape as the grey areas of deception and manipulation are what create the most hateful crimes and the most confusing for victims to recover from.
Tough conversations aside, one thing is evident, this family is in a whole new place. Now in 11th grade, Annalie shares, “I still struggle with what happened and feel a lot of guilt about what I did. I think about it every day, but it doesn’t drive my train any more. I choose not to live in my struggles. My mom and I have an incredible relationship now, and talk about everything!” When asked about her future plans, she laughs and shrugs her shoulders, “I want to travel and maybe explore journalism or sociology, but I’m not putting any pressure on myself. I don’t call this a success story. What does that even mean anyway? That’s too much pressure. You have to want your life to be meaningful and that’s what I’m working on.”
As for Nicole, “I’m never going to tell my child not to tell her story. One more voice can change the world. I’m so proud of her for speaking out and I hope by sharing her story, others can use it to drive conversations about empathy, sex, mental health stigmas and more. If you’re scared for your child, take them to the emergency room right now. Don’t hesitate as it might just give you one more moment. And, moment by moment, One More Moment is here to help.”
One More Moment | 251.644.8562 | OneMoreMoment.net
