THE WELLNESS WHISPERER

As a mental health insider working with adolescents and young adults, Sydney Wasdin, M.Ed., LPC, NCC, RYT, sees many of the struggles today’s teens face. Often told most adults don’t understand what it’s like, she’s here to share a glimpse into the their world to offer a path for better understanding and relationship opportunities.

By Sydney Wasdin

Hello,!

While it can’t be denied that it’s incredibly tough out there for a lot of adults, that doesn’t minimize the fact that teens are also under an enormous amount of pressure. From drugs that kill upon contact, to sexual pressures starting younger than adults can imagine, the impact of social media, and so much more, teens are tired, stressed, and anxious, too. 

As we age, adults become estranged from just how difficult those times were and can distort that journey into a more favorable light over time. While the adolescent world may look like a walk in the park in the face of today’s stressors resting squarely on our adult-sized shoulders, that doesn’t negate your teen’s struggles as they navigate their “firsts” or their reactions to their world and what they observe about yours.

Many well-intended parents try their hardest to be helpful and provide their teens with the insights and lessons they recognize they themselves needed in the past. However, they often end up missing the mark for what their child was really needing from them, anyway. Additionally, many parents end up projecting their own anxieties or perceptions onto their children, immediately undermining what they’re actually trying to accomplish and potentially contributing to the risk of their worst fears coming true by default.

To help us all out, I’ve asked many of my young clients what they wished their parents knew, understood or did differently, and here’s what they had to say: “I just wish they knew me for me.” “Your words actually DO hurt and affect Me — even when I don’t show it.” “Style is about self-expression. When you insult my fashion choices, it makes me feel like I need to change myself.” “I wish they understood that I need space sometimes and that I can handle myself. I might not know everything but I know how to just…live.” “Educate yourself on things you don’t understand and try to understand. Be more accepting of our differences.” “It’s okay for me to have emotions. I’m not a robot.” “Don’t dismiss my pain and trauma or compare mine to yours.” “Yelling for any reason isn’t helpful when I’m already struggling enough as it is.”

If any of these statements have triggered you, it’s okay. Take it as an indicator that some exploration of that defensiveness could offer some benefits that would help you better show up for your child, yourself, and your relationship together! 

Moral of the story? Just like you, and everyone else in the world, they need to feel authentically and openly heard and respected, and want to walk away feeling that you’re on their side, and you’re a safe landing place for them to come to whenever needed. And that may be exactly what you want for them, too. So let’s talk about how to make that a reality. 

To accomplish this with your child/teen, you need to create a safe environment, physically, mentally and emotionally for them to feel like they can come to you about anything — without allowing your emotions and reactions to squash it two seconds later. They’re very perceptive and where adults are concerned, they notice when words don’t align with actions. Next, make a visible effort to empathize, understand, and support them how they need you to, even if you don’t feel or think the same way. Respond in ways that help them feel heard. But that also doesn’t mean turning yourself into their friend. You can respond compassionately and empathize with your child and also be assertive, enforce boundaries and expectations, and have hard conversations needed within your role as their parent. It takes both. It takes balance. Practice helps.

Take some additional time to spend with your child doing something they love or enjoy doing and explore their likes, thoughts, and feelings with them. Be patient and accepting for them to open up to you if they’re hesitant. Maybe explore that hesitation or other observations you’ve made with non-judgment and compassion — without negative reaction, criticism, or guilt tripping if they say something you don’t like or don’t want to hear. With time, non-judgement, and acceptance, they’ll come around. If you’d like more help, follow up with a mental health professional — even individual counseling for yourself can help you go a long way with your relationships, yourself, and your children of all ages. If you’re interested in learning more about this and parenting for teens, therapy for individuals and families, check out a support class like our local parent project groups with One more Moment.

Take care of you, Mama

True Therapy + Yoga

8851 Rand Avenue, Suite B, Daphne | 251.250.9440 | TrueYogaTherapy.com